April 15, 2024

Even the best relationships can hit a rut in the bedroom sometimes. Maybe things have gotten a little predictable, you don’t feel all that much desire, or perhaps you crave a little more excitement (as is human) …

Whatever the case, if you’re feeling unsatisfied with your sex life, addressing it with your partner is crucial – and yet it can feel like a towering impossibility.

So, how do you bring it up without hurting your partner’s feelings or causing a fight? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered with a few tips that might help you on your way…

Choose the Right Time and Place

Don’t spring this conversation on them right before bed or when they’re stressed and about to leave for work in the morning. Pick a relaxed time when you can both have a focused conversation without any unnecessary distractions. Maybe after dinner when the kids are asleep, or during a weekend cuddle session… it’s all about timing!

Focus on “I” Statements

Instead of laying blame with accusatory statements like “You never initiate!”, focus on your feelings. Try phrases like “I’ve been feeling a little disconnected lately” or “I’d love to explore new things in the bedroom, would you be open to that?”

This approach opens the conversation for a solution-oriented discussion, as opposed to laying blame, potentially hurting feelings, and then resorting to petty arguments.

Appreciation is Key

Before launching into your concerns, acknowledge what you do appreciate about your sex life together.


Tell them what you enjoy the most and how much you value intimacy with them. This sets a positive tone for the conversation and demonstrates that you’re not trying to criticise everything – only that you have a few notes and wish to discuss them as a couple.

Be Specific (But Not Critical)

Vague complaints like “things are boring” aren’t helpful at all. In fact, when things are vague it only leaves more room for doubt and indecision and that’s when feelings can get hurt and unnecessary arguments can explode.

Instead, offer specific examples like “I miss the time we used to spend cuddling before sex” or “I’d love to try a new massage oil together.” Specificity helps your partner understand your needs and opens the door for brainstorming solutions, absent conflict.

Make it a Conversation, Not a Monologue

This is a two-way street, remember?! So, listen attentively to your partner’s thoughts and concerns – genuinely. Maybe they have similar frustrations they haven’t voiced. By actively listening and showing empathy, you’re creating a safe space for honest communication and guess what? It may even result in some hot, new sex with your partner!

Remember, It’s About Connection, Not Perfection:

A healthy sex life isn’t about achieving a perfect Hollywood scene. It’s about genuine intimacy, connection, and exploring what works for you as a couple.

Are You Ready to Spice Things Up a Bit?

If you are desperate to heat things up in the bedroom, why not try a little adult shopping?

There are oodles of naughty sex toys (or sexspielzeug as they say in German) that you can get your hands on, all designed to enhance your sexual pleasure and explore new possibilities together.


Remember, proper communication is key! When you talk openly and honestly with your partner, you can create a more fulfilling and enjoyable sex life for both of you to share.